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TMAV are producing a new DVD that will feature local guys talking about our relationship with our partner. The DVD will include a booklet with 52 Date Night ideas that are low/no cost (and that doesn’t make us cheap!).

We need 52 ideas – so here’s the ones we have so far… add your own in the comments box at the bottom and we’ll put them on the list…

1. Go out for coffee/desert at a cafe

2. Park up at the beach

3. Visit the local observatory to star gaze

4. Walk on the beach

5. Walk in the park/bush

6. Watch the sunset together

7. Write lists about what first attracted you to each other

8. Visit the museum and talk about what heirloom items you want to pass on to your children/others/each other

9. Visit the art gallery and talk about your interpretation of a piece and how that might relate to your relationship

10. Play/listen to and discuss a piece of music together

11. Dance!

12. Go for a play at the driving range / golf course

13. Make sand scupltures together

14. Design your ideal house and talk about what is important in a home

15. Find a natural object and talk about how it symbolises some aspect of your relationship

16. Find some hot pools

17. Swim in a river (in summer!)

18. Make a fire on the beach and roast marshmellows

19. Both agree to say you love one another and why every evening before you go to bed.

2o. Both write a list of all the things that you would have like to have done in your lifetime and in the future and then both sort through them to see what you could do now and what you can see yourselves doing later. Go on the journey together in support of one another and tick off each thing that you complete of the list… (that should take you more than 5 years!).

21. Man vouchers. eg “This voucher entitles …….. to one week off laundry and dishes duty.” or “This voucher entitles ……… to a 30min foot massage from (Your name here)”

22. Man v woman singstar competition.

23. Photo rally. Cruise around town together taking photo’s of quirky things that represent qualities that you see in each other.

24. Fishing off the wharf (minus the kids) with a flask of hot chocolate.

25. Hair-do night = Do each others hair (Facial hair is fine for those who are folically challenged)

26. All about you night – Do stuff that the other person would love….even if you’d rather jump off a cliff

27. Sing quirky lines from songs to each other.

28. Stay in and bake a dessert together….then share it.

29. Go for a walk and pick puha or watercress (classy and practical)

30. If puha and watercress aren’t your thing….then substitute it for wild berries.

Sets of three fridge magnets produced by TMAV are now available. The credit card sized magnets remind us to make quality time with our partner, to be kind and encouraging.

The magnets are free to men in Tairawhiti and $5 including postage to anywhere else in New Zealand.

How much do you agree with these statements?

1. Peace begins with me.

2. I have made my home a place of kind words.

3. I catch my children in the act of positive behaviours and praise them immediately, specifically and sincerely.

4. I spend at least 20 minutes a day with each child, listening, interacting, and giving my full attention.

5. I am clear on the standards of behaviour I expect of my children. I honour those standards and expect my children to do the same.

6. I provide my children with empty spaces of time during which they can just “be kids.”

7. I hold regularly scheduled family meetings where my children have a voice in the workings of our family.

8. I have set a foundation for peacefulness in our home by creating with my children “Guidelines/Tikanga for a Peaceful Whanau/Family.”

9. I always remember that I am the parent and deserve to be listened to.

10. I have fair, reasonable consequences for negative behaviours which I only use when necessary.

11. I listen with all my heart to what my children have to say, and teach them to be good listeners for others.

12. I teach my children how to handle anger in nondestructive ways and I model this consistently.

13. I resolve conflicts peacefully and teach my children to do the same.

14. I find ways to help my children succeed.

15. All my actions are guided by love, compassion, fairness, respect, and integrity. I nurture these attributes in my children.

16. I live my commitment to peaceful parenting; my commitment guides all my actions.

17. I remember daily that we each have an impact on the world around us and I teach this to my children.

Have a go at our questionnaire on the above questions to see how peaceful your parenting is!

Two years on from their establishment in the aftermath of the local tragedies of late 2006, Tairawhiti Men Against Violence continue to see a need for a community response to family violence. As the group prepare for White Ribbon Day 2008, Gisborne and the East Coast continue to figure highly in family violence statistics.

“We believe that until more local people are willing to do more, our community will continue to be held back by the scourge of violence.” said TMAV volunteer Tim Marshall. “While the tolerance levels have lowered and more people seem to be taking action to intervene there is still a huge amount of work to be done.”

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On 24 November 2008 The Gisborne Herald organised a presentation by TMAV members to invited guests on the proposal to establish a Men’s Resource Centre in Gisborne.

Over 40 people attended the presentation representing various local interests including businesses, hapu, iwi and social service providers.

A PDF version of the presentation is available to download here.

A response card to the proposal is also available to download here.

The following speech was delivered by Jeremy Muir, The Gisborne Herald Editorial Manager, at the public presentation of the Men’s Resource Centre & Safe House Proposal on 24 November 2008 at the Tatapouri Fishing Club:

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Kia ora tatou kua tae mai nei ki tenei whare, ki te whakarite i nga
whakaaro.  Ka nui te hari mo to koutou maia ki te haere mai ki te tautoko
i tenei kaupapa “Ripene Ma – White Ribbon”.  Kia tatou manuhiri,
commissioner, Gregory Fortuin, naumai, haeremai, ki te Tairawhiti.
A, huri noa to tatau whare, tena tatau katoa.

Welcome to this lunch, which The Gisborne Herald has organised in the lead-up to White Ribbon Day tomorrow as part of our stand against violence, and to stress the need for better services and support for violent men as the most important step towards achieving a violence-free future.  We whole-heartedly support Tairawhiti Men Against Violence in their bid for a resource centre and safe house for men with violence issues, and wanted to galvanise minds on how we can fund this.

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